Limiting Beliefs

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Our identity is based on our beliefs and what we deem is reasonable, from how we act, talk, and who we dislike or aspire to be. How we dream, value, spend and save all come down to our beliefs.

Our reality is created based on our beliefs. Because of the influence, our beliefs have over our journey through life, it is crucial to know what they are, where they come from and how to reshape them to become the person we truly desire to be.

Our invisible limiting beliefs hold us back in every area of our lives, from health to wealth, to happiness, and so much more. The challenging part is these invisible narratives are so ingrained in who we are that we do not think to see how they guide our path through life or how they may be holding us back.

It is like the story of the two young fish that say hi to an older fish passing by.

The older fish respond with, “how’s the water, boys?”

The two young fish look at each other and say, “what water?”

Our limiting beliefs are there whether we notice them or not. They hold us back from dreaming bigger and being happier.

Here is a list of some common limiting beliefs. Do any of them ring true to you?

I will never lose weight, I’ve tried everything, and it never works
I will never gain weight, I’ve tried everything, and it never works
I cannot change careers as I am too old
I cannot change careers as I am too young
I can’t learn a new skill because I don’t have enough time
I can’t learn a new skill because I don’t have enough money
If I promote my work, I will be devasted if no one wants it
If I promote my work, everyone might want it, and then I’ll be too busy
I can’t get my dream job as it wouldn’t pay me enough
I can’t get my dream job as I’m not qualified
What if I share how I feel, and everyone comments
What if I share how I feel and no one comments
I should be happy with the job I have, so many people have a worse job
I deserve a new job, so many people have a better job
I’m not in good enough shape to do yoga
I’m in good enough shape I do not need yoga

The common thread

If you go through all of the above limiting beliefs, they share similarities. Limiting beliefs are two sides of the same coin; for each person who thinks they are too old, someone thinks they are too young. Limiting beliefs are narratives we create for ourselves to avoid trying. They give our brains a way to protect us from failure.

Limiting beliefs often put the blame on someone or something else. Just because you do not know how to do something doesn’t mean you can’t figure it out. You do not need to be a Doctor, a Lawyer, a Psychologist, or an Engineer to ask for more out of life. You do not need to be the most intelligent person in the world to share your thoughts. All you need is to be yourself.

If you look at the best inventions in our world, you will see they are unique and were created from nothing by someone who did not fully know what they were doing.

Jeff Bezos did not know how to build a Trillion-Dollar Company from his garage. All he believed was the internet could allow him to massively scale and that people would pay more for speed and convenience.

Larry Page didn’t know how to make Google everything it is today; instead, he believed there must be a better way to index and present search results.

Elon Musk didn’t know how to build a reusable rocket. He just believed that he could do better than the current rocket options by offering faster and less expensive launches and that he could hire the most innovative people in their field to figure out the details.

Everyone learns as they go, and seldom are people qualified for what they attempt to accomplish. If you are pursuing anything meaningful, you will fail, and that is the point. We grow from our failures, but beware of the limiting beliefs we create to protect us from those failures.

The law of averages

I am a firm believer in the law of averages and that we become the average of the people we spend the most time with. When we are younger and still living at home, we typically adopt our family’s views. We are immersed in how they talk about others, how they spend money, and what they value. All of these become our default beliefs

As we get older, our circles grow, and we have more control over the groups we belong to. Our friends, communities, co-workers, and bosses now influence what we believe in.

This can be one of the most positive influences on our life or one of the most negative. If the people you are around are constantly blaming their situation on the world and others, you will also adopt this victim mentality. If your crew does not value the same things you love, it is more challenging to grow and fulfill your passion.

An example of this is if you want to be really fit, but your friends constantly go to the pub and never exercise. You will be forced to choose whether you see your friends or go for a run.

If you instead surround yourself with people on the same journey, you can spend time with them and progress toward your goal at the same time. In addition, when you share your successes they will be happy for you.

Who is supporting you

If you strive to achieve something ambitious, it can take years of hard work. Through this, having proper support will make all the difference.

If your support system is full of negative people that do not express belief in you, you will be much more likely to give up and not keep grinding for the years required to get you the results you envision. Being surrounded by negativity and people who do not share your passion will make you feel like you are dragging a boat anchor everywhere you go.

If you are around people dreaming as big as you do, or even bigger, they will not belittle your goals, and instead, they may ask why you aren’t dreaming exponentially more.

Bring others up

The law of averages works both ways, as you want to surround yourself with people who bring you up there will be people who need your support to bring them up. So while some people will help you, others will need your help.

You do not need to give up on your friends or family who don’t empower you. Instead, you can improve their average and help by believing in them and bringing them up.

Just make sure that you are not unbalanced by people dragging you down. I promise that whatever your dream is, there are plenty of people who 100% believe you can do it. You need to just push through the noise of those who do not.

The fast track to success

Regardless of where we are in life, we all have limiting beliefs, and the purpose of great books, coaches, and mentors is to identify and remove those limiting beliefs so that we can grow and follow our purpose and passion.

Whatever it is you strive for in life, surround yourself with people pursuing the same or a greater mission. If you want to learn to play the piano, surround yourself with musicians and not mushroom hunters. If you want to run a marathon, surround yourself with athletes and not chefs. If you want to get extraordinary at cooking, surround yourself with chefs and not athletes. There is no right or wrong pursuit, as long it makes you fulfilled and is leaving the world better or at least no worse.

The invisible ceiling

As we succeed, it does not get easier to grow; instead, it becomes more difficult and riskier. The risk versus reward becomes more asymmetric the further up we grow. The benefit to succeeding appears marginal, where the risk of losing what we already have is terrifying. Many people do not realize that there are limiting beliefs at every stage of success.

We think that millionaires or professional athletes must be full of confidence and void of limiting beliefs. The truth is anything but.

People operating on a higher stage typically have more limiting beliefs because they have had to live an unbalanced life and had to put tremendous effort into one passion. This will leave them with an imbalance and their own limiting beliefs. If you don’t believe me pick up any Autobiography, and you will see how much struggle they have had to overcome and how they typically failed multiple times before finding and keeping their success.

It can be even more difficult for successful people because their identity is tied to their success, and because of their success, it is harder to see how to get to the next level.

At some point, the number of people pursuing the same goal as you will be significantly reduced. When you strive to be the best in the world at anything, by definition, you are on a lonely road. This is where it is critical to surround yourself with the right team. You will need coaches, mentors, and mastermind groups that not only care about you but also challenge you to dream bigger and push you to work harder than you would on your own.

Summary

Every person on this earth has limiting beliefs, and our invisible narrative will always hold us back from pursuing more of our dreams. The goal is to acknowledge our limiting beliefs and push past them. To do this, we need to be around people tackling their big dreams and those who will encourage and support us to tackle ours.

The question then becomes why worry about our limiting beliefs, why grow, and why walk the lonely road? The answer is simple to state but challenging to live.

As humans, we use it, or we lose it, we grow, or we atrophy. If we stay where we are, we become bored and start self-sabotaging until we create problems for ourselves to solve.

Regardless of how happy we are, we need challenges, so why not choose bigger and more fun problems to solve? And the way to solve bigger and more fun problems is by asking better questions, which we do by addressing our limiting beliefs and what we believe we are capable of.