The 4 big questions everyone should ask

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There is an old saying often attributed to Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

And while we would all agree with this definition, its magnitude of truth does not carry into our everyday lives. We are all struggling with something, whether we are missing compassion in our lives, barely making it paycheque to paycheque, or going each day without feeling fulfilled.

Even though so many of us are constantly struggling, we wake up and do the same thing we did before. We are unhappy with our lives, yet we do little to change them. We accept the lack of fulfillment and lack of joy as our set point and assume this is as good as it gets. But it doesn’t have to be as good as it gets; there is a better way.

Asking better questions is one of the best ways to improve our business and any aspect of our life.

Jerry Colonna, the author of Reboot, asks four separate questions that can provide us with a framework to change our life for the better. The solution we seek is typically straightforward and far easier to achieve than we assume.

If you are looking to improve any aspect of your life, ask these questions, write down the answers, and follow up with them.

The 4 big questions everyone should ask

Question 1: How have I been complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?

This is such a powerful question that I wrote an entire blog post on it. I have heard from so many people, myself included, about all of the things they have to put up with in life, from waking up at the crack of dawn, doing all the housework, not having the time to travel, and being underpaid. However, these conditions they say they don’t want are actually within their power to change.

So ask yourself, as I do weekly, how have I been complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?

Let me tell you a story.

I have a fair amount of responsibilities: I wake up at 4:45am, I work a full-time job, I blog and help other professionals, and I do the cooking and the grocery shopping. I was feeling particularly salty and started complaining about my life and all of my responsibilities. This went on for months until I came across this question and seriously asked myself how I was complicit in creating the condition I didn’t want.

After some contemplation and discussion with my wife, I came to the conclusion that the solution was simple. We started using a meal delivery service; this drastically cut down the time I spent cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. In addition, I had more of my evening free to have more downtime and go to bed earlier. It was a win-win situation.

The best part is that the money we spent on the meal delivery service cost about the same as groceries because I wasn’t tempted by all the snacks in the aisles.

Question 2: What am I not saying that needs to be said?

Many of us are traveling through life feeling oppressed and not heard.

We have feelings about a situation, but we do not think it is our place to speak up, or we fear if we say something about it, no one will listen. It can be difficult to speak up when it challenges the status quo. Whether that status-quo is at work, with family, or with friends. However, when something feels uncomfortable, and we do not voice our opinion, our seed of doubt will grow and we will start to lose trust in ourselves.

As our inner doubt grows, we will start avoiding many situations where we feel we do not have a voice, and we will doubt that we have the inner strength to speak our truth in other situations that we were once comfortable in.

When we are in a situation where something needs to be said, it is our duty to everyone else to avoid the bystander effect and be the person that says something. If we point out a bad situation, we can save someone else who does not have the strength to stand up and say it.

Question 3: What am I saying that’s not being heard?

When we finally build up the courage to say what needs to be said, it can be instantly demoralizing when no one listens. I am sure we have all experienced the situation where we work ourselves up to finally say what has been constantly on our minds, but no one seems to hear.

When this happens, we need to look deeper and try to understand why it’s not being heard?

• Is it our phrasing? Is what we are saying coming across as offensive?

• Are we saying something relevant, or is no one listening because, in reality, it is not that important?

• Are we telling it to the wrong audience?

Question 4: What’s being said that I’m not hearing?

Just as other people don’t always listen to us, we often don’t listen to ourselves, let alone others. So it can be mind-opening when we take the time to understand what we are not hearing.

When we are pushing ourselves too hard and not recovering our body and our mind, it will let us know. It will slowly whisper that it needs rest, like when our eyes go blurry, or our knee hurts. But when we constantly push past these early warning lights by having another espresso or taking an Advil, our body responds by changing its warning whisper into a yell. When we ignore our body and mind for too long, we hit burnout or get sick. Our body does a full stop and forces us to step away from the stressors.

Like our internal dialog, our relationships with others often follow the same pattern. Friends and family will make jokes or quietly point out something that bugs them. But if we are not attuned to hearing these comments, we can push past their early warnings, and we can damage the relationship. At this point, the other person feels that they won’t be heard and instead of continually pointing it out they will step away.

This also happens in business all the time. I see it when managers or bosses do not solve the root cause when problems arise. When they brush off concerns and tell the staff to “just figure it out,” it trains the staff that their issues do not matter to their manager, and they slowly stop bringing them up. The employees will keep pushing the best they can until they hit a breaking point, and then they will make a massive mistake or have enough and quit. This always surprises the boss, and they respond with, why didn’t they just say something? The unfortunate reality is that the employee always said something; they just weren’t heard.

If you are a manager/leader/owner, it pays to understand what your staff is saying that you are not hearing.